Daisy Jones & the Six Read online

  DAISY: I was going to have to read it to him. I started reading the first verse but then I realized that was dumb. I said, “Play the song as you wrote it.”

  BILLY: I got my guitar and I started playing and singing the words as I originally wrote them.

  DAISY: I cut him off once I got the gist of it.

  BILLY: She put her hand on the neck of the guitar to shut me up. She said, “I get where you’re going. Start from the beginning. Give this a listen.”

  DAISY: I sang him his song back, this time with my changes.

  BILLY: It went from a song about your best memories to a song about what you can and can’t remember. I had to admit it was more subtle, more complicated. Much more open to interpretation.

  It was very similar to what I had envisioned when I wrote it, but just…[laughs] better than what I got on the page, frankly.

  DAISY: I didn’t change a lot of his song, really. I just added in this element of what you don’t remember to highlight what you do remember. And then I restructured it, to include a second voice.

  BILLY: By the time she was done, I was really excited about it.

  DAISY: Billy immediately went into writing mode. He took the paper from me, grabbed a pen, started reordering a little bit. That’s how I knew he liked it.

  By the end, we’d taken this song that Billy had about Camila and we made it about so much more than that.

  BILLY: We played it for everybody down at the studio. Just her and me and the guitar, over in the lounge.

  GRAHAM: I dug the song. Billy and I started talking about a solo during the bridge. We were on the same page.

  EDDIE: I said to Billy, “This is good, let me get started on my piece on it.”

  And Billy said, “Well, your part is written already. Just go with the guitar as I played it.”

  I said, “Let me tinker with it.”

  He said, “Nothing to tinker with. Daisy and I have been reworking this one back and forth. I’m telling you, play it like I played it.”

  I said, “I don’t want to play it like you played it.”

  He just patted me on the back and said, “It’s cool. Just play it like I played it.”

  BILLY: The rhythm guitar part was already done. But I said, “All right, man. Go ahead and try to see what you can come up with.” By the time we recorded it, he’d come back around to exactly what I played for him.

  EDDIE: I changed it up. He didn’t have it exactly right. There wasn’t only one way to play that song. I changed it up. And it was better. I knew how to play my own riffs. I knew what worked. We were all supposed to be taking our own shots. So I took my own shot.

  BILLY: It is very frustrating, when you know how something should be done but you have to pretend someone else has a good idea, when you know you’re just going to end up using your own. But that’s the price of doing business with somebody like Eddie Loving. He’s got to believe everything is his idea or he won’t do it.

  And, look, it’s my fault. I told everybody it was an equal opportunity band. And I shouldn’t have done that. Because that is just not a sustainable system. Look at Springsteen. Springsteen knew how to do it. But me? I had to sit there and pretend people like Eddie Loving knew better than me how to play guitar on the songs I wrote on my guitar.

  KAREN: I didn’t see any of the tense stuff between Billy and Eddie on that song. I heard about it later from both of them but at the time I was…preoccupied.

  GRAHAM: You know what’s a good time? Giving your girl a roll in the closet at the studio while everybody else is recording and the two of you have to be so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

  That was making love, man. It felt like love. It felt like we were the only two people in the entire world who mattered. Me and Karen. It felt like I could show her how much I loved her, right there in that tight space, not saying anything at all.

  WARREN: When we were messing around on that song, on “Midnights,” Daisy came up to me and suggested that I hold the drums on the bridge and I thought for a moment and I said, “Yeah, that’s a great idea.” Daisy and I always got along really well in that regard. We were about the only two people who could manage not to have too much ego with each other.

  I once told her I thought she sang “Turn It Off” like she was in heat and she said, “I see what you mean. I think I’ll pull back on the chorus.” Just like that.

  Some people just don’t threaten each other. And other people threaten everything about each other. Just the way it is.

  ROD: I started to do some calculations. Could we replace Eddie if we needed to? Would Pete leave with him? What would that mean for us? I’m not gonna lie. I started putting feelers out for other guitarists. Started planning out whether Billy could just take over Eddie’s parts. I saw the writing on the wall.

  Turns out I wasn’t reading exactly right. But I saw the writing on the wall.

  WARREN: Being proud that you predicted Eddie would leave the band is like saying, “I predicted the sun would come out today,” the day before a nuclear disaster. Yeah, man. Great guess. But you didn’t exactly notice the world was ending?

  DAISY: At the end of that day, when Billy was going home, he said, “Thank you for what you did with this song.”

  And I said something like “Yeah, of course.”

  But then Billy stopped in place. He put his hand on my arm. He made a real point of it. He said, “I’m serious. You made the song better.”

  I…That meant a lot. That meant a lot. Maybe meant too much.

  BILLY: I was starting to see, as Teddy had pushed me to, that sometimes you get to more complex places, artistically, when you have more people contributing. That’s not always true. But with Daisy and me…it was true.

  I had to recognize that. With her, then, it was true.

  DAISY: I really felt like I understood him. And I think he understood me. You know, things like that, that kind of connection with a person, it is sort of like playing with fire. Because it feels good, to be understood. You feel in sync with a person, you feel like you’re on a level that no one else is.

  KAREN: I think people that are too similar…they don’t mix well. I used to think soul mates were two of the same. I used to think I was supposed to look for somebody that was just like me.

  I don’t believe in soul mates anymore and I’m not looking for anything. But if I did believe in them, I’d believe your soul mate was somebody who had all the things you didn’t, that needed all the things you had. Not somebody who’s suffering from the same stuff you are.

  ROD: The band was recording “Chasing the Night.” They had worked on it earlier in the day and it got toward the afternoon and Daisy wasn’t needed anymore so she went home.

  DAISY: I decided to have some people over to my cottage. Some actress friends and a couple guys from the Strip. We were just going to hang out by the pool, a bit.

  ROD: I had told Daisy to come back later. Because we were going to record her and Billy’s vocals on it a few times that night. I should have done a better job setting boundaries of when everyone was working or not working. We didn’t have set hours, really. It was just sort of a free-for-all.

  But she was supposed to be at Heider at nine.

  BILLY: Graham and I were working on some licks. Laying down a few and going back over them, seeing what we liked better.

  ARTIE SNYDER: Billy and Graham were fun to work with when it was just the two of them together. They had a language all to themselves, sometimes. But I felt like I understood what they were going for. I did wonder, back then, though…I didn’t know how they could stand it. If I had to work with my brother I’d lose my mind.

  BILLY: I always felt really lucky that Graham was as good as he was. So talented, always had good ideas. He made it easy. People would often say, “I don’t know how you can work with your brother.” But I never knew how to
do it any other way.

  DAISY: It got later into the night and somehow Mick Riva shows up. He’d been staying at the Marmont, too. He was in his forties by then, I think. Married however many times, had like five kids. But partied like he was nineteen. He was topping the charts even then. Everybody still loved him.

  I’d partied with him a few times. He was always decent to me. But he was a real…There were always a lot of groupies with Mick. He could really get a party out of control.

  ROD: Billy and Graham finished up and Graham left around eight or so. So Billy and I decided to go get some dinner. But we got back a few minutes after nine and Daisy wasn’t there.

  DAISY: Suddenly, the whole place is packed. Mick’s invited everyone he knows, basically. He’s ordered bottles of liquor from the bar at the hotel, paid for it all.

  I lost track of time. Forgot what I was doing. God only knows what I was on. I just remember champagne and cocaine. It was that kind of party. Those are the best parties. Champagne and coke and bikinis around the pool before we realized the drugs were killing us and the sex was coming for us, too.

  BILLY: We waited an hour before thinking anything of it. I mean, you know, it’s Daisy, and showing up on time is something she does by accident.

  SIMONE: I was in town to do American Bandstand. Daisy and I had plans to meet up. I got to Daisy’s around maybe ten. And it was packed. Mick Riva was there, making out with two girls that couldn’t have been more than sixteen. Daisy’s laying out on a pool chair in a white bikini like she’s tanning, wearing a pair of sunglasses, when it’s pitch black out.

  DAISY: I don’t remember anything that happened after Simone showed up.

  ROD: Teddy and Artie were going to go home. They weren’t too worried about it. But I felt responsible for her. It didn’t seem like her. To ditch a session.

  SIMONE: I said, “Daisy, I think it’s time to call it a night.” But she barely even heard me. She sat up real fast and looked at me and said, “Have I shown you the caftan Thea Porter’s people sent me?”

  And I said, “No.”

  And she got up and ran into her cottage. It’s full of people doing God-knows-what. They were barely paying attention to her. We walk into her bedroom and there are two men making out on her bed. It was like her house wasn’t even her own. She walks right past them and opens her closet and pulls out this dress, this caftan. It’s gold and pink and teal and gray. It was so beautiful. I mean, your heart broke looking at it, it was just so beautiful. Velvet and brocade and chiffon and silk.

  I said, “That is stunning.”

  And she takes off her bathing suit, right there in front of everyone.

  And I say, “What are you doing?”

  And then she steps into it and twirls around and says, “I feel like a sprite in it. Like I’m a sea nymph.”

  And then…I don’t know what to tell you. One minute she was in my sight and the next minute, she’s way out past me, running back out to the pool, and then stepping into the water, one step at a time, in that gorgeous caftan. I could have killed her. That dress was art.

  By the time I got to her, she was floating on her back, in the pool alone, all these people watching her. I don’t know who snapped the photo. But it is my favorite picture of her ever, I think. She just looks so much like herself. The way she’s floating, with her arms out to her sides, the dress floating with her. It’s so dark out but the pool is lit so the dress and her body are bright. And then there’s that look on her face, that way she’s smiling right at the camera. Gets me every time.

  ROD: I called her at the Marmont about ten times and she wasn’t answering and I said to Billy, “I’m gonna head over there. Just to make sure she’s okay.”

  BILLY: Daisy loved the work of recording an album. I knew she loved it. I’d seen it. The only way Daisy would pass up an opportunity to record her own song is if she was doped up beyond all recognition.

  It hurts to care about someone more than they care about themselves. I can tell that story from both sides.

  So Rod and I went over there. We got to her cottage at the Marmont in about fifteen minutes, it wasn’t far. And we started asking where Lola La Cava is—she’s got an alias because of course she does. Finally someone says check the pool.

  And when we get there, Daisy is in a pink dress, sitting on the edge of a diving board, surrounded by people, and she’s soaking wet. Her hair was slicked back and this dress was sticking to her.

  Rod walked up to her and I didn’t know what he was saying but the moment she saw him, I saw this recognition in her eyes. She had forgotten where she was supposed to be until she saw him. It was exactly what we thought. Blotto. I mean, the only thing that was gonna come before her music was her dope.

  As she’s talking to Rod, I see Rod point to me and Daisy’s eye follows his hand in my direction and she was…She looked sad. To see me there. Looking at her.

  There was a guy next to me, some guy I would have told you was an old geezer except he was probably only forty. I could smell the whiskey in his glass, that smoky, antiseptic scent. It’s always been the smell for me. The smell of tequila, the smell of beer. Even coke. The smell of any of it. It takes me right back. To those moments when the night is just starting, when you know you’re about to get into trouble. It feels so good, the beginning.

  There was that voice again, inside my head, that was telling me I was never going to be able to stay sober for the rest of my life. What is the point of getting sober at all if I know I’ll never kick it forever? I’ll fail one day anyway. Shouldn’t I pack it all in? Quit on myself? Quit on everybody? Spare Camila and my girls the heartbreak later and admit who I really am.

  I looked over at Daisy, she was coming up off the diving board. She had a glass in her hand and she dropped it right there on the side of the pool. I watched her step onto the broken glass, not realizing it was under her feet.

  ROD: Daisy’s feet started bleeding.

  SIMONE: There was blood mixing with the pool water on the concrete. And Daisy didn’t even notice. She just kept walking, talking to somebody else.

  DAISY: I couldn’t feel the cuts on my feet. I couldn’t feel much of anything, I don’t think.

  SIMONE: In that moment, I thought, She’s going to be the girl bleeding in a beautiful dress until it kills her.

  I felt…lost, sad, depressed, sick. I felt really hopeless but also like I didn’t have the luxury of giving up. Like I was going to have to fight for her—fight for her against her—until I lost. Because there was no winning. I didn’t see how I could win the war.

  BILLY: I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t stay because when I looked at Daisy, wet and bleeding and out of it and half-near falling down, I did not think, Thank God I stopped using.

  I thought, She knows how to have fun.

  ROD: I was getting Daisy a towel to dry off when I saw Billy turn and leave. I’d driven us there so I wasn’t quite sure where he was going. I tried to catch his eye but he didn’t see me until the last moment, when he went around the corner. He just gave me a nod. And I understood. I was thankful he’d come up with me in the first place.

  He knew how to take care of himself and that’s what he was doing.

  BILLY: I told Rod I was leaving and made sure he was all right to take a cab home because I’d driven us over. He was really supportive. He understood why I needed to leave.

  When I got home, I got in bed right next to Camila, so thankful to be there. But I couldn’t sleep. I kept wondering what I’d be doing that very moment if I’d taken the whiskey out of that man’s hand. If I’d poured it down my throat.

  Would I be laughing and playing a song for everybody? Would I be skinny-dipping with a whole bunch of strangers? Would I be puking my guts out watching somebody strap up and shoot heroin?

  Instead, I was laying in the darkest quiet, listening to my wife snore.
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br />   The thing is, I’m a person who survives despite his instincts. My instincts said to run toward the chaos. And my better brain sent me home to my woman.

  DAISY: I don’t remember seeing Billy there. I don’t remember seeing Rod. I don’t know how I made it to my bed.

  BILLY: I knew I wasn’t going to fall asleep that night. So I got up out of bed and I wrote a song.

  ROD: Billy comes into the studio the next day. Everybody else is there, ready to get to recording. I’ve even got Daisy there, relatively sober, drinking a coffee.

  DAISY: I felt bad. I did not mean to blow off the recording session, obviously.

  Why did I hurt myself like that? I can’t explain it. I wish I could. I hated it about myself. I hated it about myself and I kept doing it and then I hated myself more. There are no good answers about this.

  ROD: Billy comes in and he shows us all a song he wrote. “Impossible Woman.”

  I said, “You wrote this last night?”

  He said, “Yeah.”

  BILLY: Daisy reads it and goes, “Cool.”

  GRAHAM: It was clear, from the feeling in the room, that none of us, not even Daisy and Billy, were going to acknowledge it was about Daisy.

  BILLY: It’s not about Daisy. It’s about when you’re sober, there are things you can’t touch, things you can’t have.

  KAREN: After Graham and I heard Billy play it for the first time, I said to Graham, “That song is…”

  And Graham just goes, “Yup.”

  DAISY: It was a great damn song.

  WARREN: Didn’t care then, barely care now.

  KAREN: “Dancing barefoot in the snow/cold can’t touch her, high or low.” That’s Daisy Jones.

  BILLY: I decided to write a song about a woman that felt like sand through your fingers, like you could never really catch her. As an allegory for the things I couldn’t have, couldn’t do.

  DAISY: I said, “This song is for us to sing?”

  Billy said, “No, I think you should give it a shot on your own. I wrote it for your register.”